that joke's not funny anymore

One day in college, one of my classmates turned to me and asked me when I came back.

Came back from where, I'd asked, confused as hell.

From the States, she said, equally confused.

At this point I remember laughing awkwardly, because she was speaking in tongues, as I have never been to the US. At which point she looked at me, puzzled, and asked,

So you've always talked this way?


I remembered this suddenly because one of my teammates keeps on giving me grief about my inability to speak Pilipino properly, what with my inability to roll my r's and pronounce my r sounds like a proper Pinoy would. My vowel sounds are decidedly different, too.

Of course, to me I speak normally, which is why my officemate decidedly annoys me.

(sidebar: I no longer work with Miss Nineties Dress. Her contract has ended and I have moved to another team. Hooray!)

I think in English, so it is not uncommon that when I try to be witty in what is supposed to be my native language, it not only falls flat, but I occasionally offend my friends (Ohms, I really didn't mean for you to mix my coffee).

I was raised by the Muppets, my neighborhood was Sesame Street. When I could understand sarcasm, I watched the Golden Girls and Murphy Brown. My cousins and I grew up speaking English at home.

In high school my friends were also mostly English speakers, this was/is our medium for communication. This is more natural to us. I write in English, my wit and humor is fundamentally English, so when I am around people who are not the same, I can honestly say that it's a struggle.

I rant because it's annoying. Having failed and barely passed pretty much every Pinoy subject I've ever come across (except for Retorika, 'cause being the teacher's pet actually kind of rules), my lack of ability in speaking and using the language is not new to me.

But while I'm sure it's entertaining, please: For the love of all that is holy, shut the frak up. We're not friends, so you don't get to mock me and expect me to find you amusing.