the mummy 3 sucks.

Maria Bello should apologize to everyone who had to listen to her uber fake British accent. I love her, I do, even though she was on Coyote Ugly and now did that horrendous fake British accent for a summer movie. I like that she kicks ass in this movie, but, in a movie with Michelle Yeoh (oh, Michelle. Why?) nobody can quite compare.

And, Michelle, maybe you needed the money, but don't you feel severely wasted, especially with your fight scene with Jet Li lasting all of a frakking minute? It could have been epic, it could have been this summer's badass fight sequence, instead it felt wanting. (What's the English word for bitin?)

sidebar: I think at this point it's safe to assume that Gateway audiences are just a step or two above Megamall viewers, and I sincerely apologize for laughing several times during the movie, even at the most inappropriate of moments, particularly at the ending.

Didn't catch the first few minutes, though, although I think I didn't really miss much. But seeing General Ming made me pay attention in the holy-shit-is-that---? kind of way. I thought he looked familiar, and I had to sit through the credits to make sure. It's Russell Wong, also needing money. Walking away, when Mr.Inferno asked me why I stuck around, I told him I had to confirm my worst fears that Russell Wong was in the movie. He was. And Mr.Inferno asked who Russell Wong was. (insert horrified gasp, then:) "Russell Wong is only the, like, hottest Chinese-American actor." (Yes, I regressed to MSCL speak. And, yes, I was channelling my Joy Luck Club-viewing self.)

So after the horror that is The Mummy 3 (Rachel Weisz, good call), I am stuck with what's left to look forward to cinematically.

• You Don't Mess With The Zohan, obviously, because it looks to be the first Adam Sandler movie I actually want to see in a theater.
• Wall-e because it's Pixar and I have not yet forgiven myself for waiting for Ratatouille to come out on video.
• X-Files, because despite all the reviews and that fantastically cheesy second title, it's still Mulder and Scully, and I will always owe Gillian Anderson for bringing Scully and all the Scully clones into modern television.
• The Clone Wars. Because it can't be any worse than the prequels, which I also paid good money for.
• Tropic Thunder and Pineapple Express are scheduled to come out in August, but if the Philippines didn't bother to get Baby Mama, then I think it's safe to assume these two won't be coming so soon.
  

Or we can all just watch The Dark Knight again.




RDJ: Did you like Iron Man?
Kid: It was OK. (beat) Until The Dark Knight comes out.
(MTV Movie Awards skit)