foot faults

there's this rule in tennis called the foot fault, and it basically is this:

RULE 11: Foot Fault

The server shall, throughout delivery of the service, up to the moment of impact of paddle on ball (a) not change position by walking or running; (b) not touch, with either foot, any area other than that behind the baseline within the imaginary extension of the center mark and the sideline.

Note: The server shall not by the following movements of his/her feet be deemed to “change position by walking or running”: (a) slight movements of the feet that do not materially affect the location originally taken by the server; (b) an unrestricted movement of one foot, so long as the other foot maintains continuously its original contact with the deck; (c) leaving the deck with both feet.

so... can you imagine it? can you imagine catching yourself committing such a thing? it's not easy to control, and you don't exactly commit it with the foresight that "oh, that's gonna be a foot fault".

i bring this up because last saturday, having coffee with my friend who's leaving for the US sooner than i would want her to, we were extending apologies to each other for our friends. she was apologizing to me for leaving me alone with them, and i had to apologize because, well, i'm supposed to be the sensible one in the group. for me, if i'd been paying more attention, none of our present drama might have happened.

how can i relate this to a foot fault? because a footfault occurs without the conscious action to move. it just happens, and if you watch tennis, the players usually don't contest the fault because they have absolutely no contention to defend their case. it happens. they can't declare that their foot did not breach that invisible space because there is no space, no line, by which they can guard their foot movement. in the same manner, i did not know where the line is between being Supportive Friend and Opinionated Bystander. and i took it for granted that the two were virtually mutually exclusive.

i wish i knew how to fix this. i promised my friend i'd fix this, and i know she doesn't really expect me to, but i feel the need to. i need to get my friends to wake up to the reality that they're living in because this is Rational Emotive Therapy. take their emotions and make them bring it to an intellectual level. it's in our emotions that we make errors in judgement, and i don't want to be the judge anymore. i want them to see for themselves just what it is they're doing. i can't be their arbiter anymore. and the thing is, they're ruining the friendships we've formed because of guys.

and then when they come crying to us we play Supportive Friends, when they make the same mistakes we continue to play our proper roles, giving them advice they won't take, and... it's a vicious cycle. my favorite part is that i never learn my lesson, either. i try to take away my link in that chain, but they suck me back in.

is it me? is it my fault? or do i really just have no idea what i'm doing, or what i'm supposed to do as their friend?

i might be Nihilist Bear, but i actually care more that i think i do.