28 days later

I need to lose weight. And while the pending credit card application and MacBook envy is helping the cause, it's not quite enough.

So here's the rub: I need to lose weight. The salary isn't helping that mission, because somehow I've managed to make a decent living. Yes, them DVDs help the wallet shortage and sucks up cash that could've gone to food, but it's not enough. There's no exercise in the regimen, save for the malling and trekking to the MRT bit.

Elliptical trainers are costly.

Then I found my answer. On TV. Not them shopping channels, because they're just crazy, but on CNN.
What, you say? CNN? Am I mental?

Yes.

I call it The Conflict Reporter Diet Plan.


!!Disclaimer!!
If you're easily insulted and have from experience know how much of an ass I can be, I recommend closing this tab/window now. And this is only funny if you care about International affairs. And watch CNN International.

No? Well, okay...
The Conflict Reporter Diet Plan. Inspired by Miss Gorani, who is momentarily in Beirut.
Wait. First, this clearly belongs to my other blog, but because that's clicked on by a lot more readers than this one, I'm avoiding controversy and violent reactions by putting this in my more personal online... journal.

Okay, where was I?

The Conflict Reporter Diet Plan.

It helps, of course, that you start with a fluctuating weight history.
1) Become a journalist. Now, this would often require a journalism degree, but for the sake of argument, let's say you just somehow ended up working in broadcasting.
2) Specialize in Russian/Middle Eastern/3rd World Country affairs. (Hello, Christiane Amanpour and Matthew Chance)
3) Host a lifestyle program for said region, and accidentally/coincidentally be in the area when conflict starts.
4) Choose to report from the smaller region. In this case, staying in Lebanon instead of Israel, or Syria. The smaller region, of course, will have less food, water, supplies. Already the infrastructure's in pieces, including several bridges that are the main routes of getting aid to the people.
5) The hands: work it. The smallest bit of exercise can go a long way, and if you can gesture wildly, go for it.
6) Look the part. You can't look fresh and clean when you're in conflict. You also can't look too healthy. The gaunt, I-haven't-slept-in-ages look can go a long way.
7) Lose sleep. Reporting well into night ruins metabolism, so your body's running on reserves. Lose that fat.
8) The heat. That's right, step out onto the balcony, soak up that heatwave and humidity. Burns the cals.
9) Walk. As previously said, exercise can go a long way. Nic Robertson likes to run, but if you're more Anderson Cooper, pacing and slow walks are the way to go. The thing about conflict reporting, especially at the moment, is that it's guerilla fighters, so you never know what the next target area's going to be. And not everyone can be ultra-cool Ben Wedeman, who just stands there looking off to the distance while planes circle above. Don't be a hero (Ben). Run for cover (Paula Hancocks).
10) Think positive. Yes, that UN thing can take forever, but the bright side: it's short range conflict, so there's no possibility of Weapons of Mass Destruction to be used. And, heck, they're not gonna bomb Christiane Amanpour.

28 days later, shed those blazers and show off those bony shoulders! (screencap by Spitfire)



"I have to stay alive now."
- Christiane Amanpour, on how having children has changed her

and

"I am not a conflict reporter."
- Hala Gorani


Hala, you are now.