dear martina

It's kind of late, but I must say something.

What the frak.

We both know you're one banana short of a fruit salad, but to go and test positive for drugs. And not even steroids, which would have been hilarious because you're not exactly what I'd call steroids material.

Testing positive for cocaine is just sad. And not "sad" in the I-feel-bad-for-you way. I mean sad in the "that's-just-pathetic" usage. It's sad because i expected so much more from you. At the very least, I didn't peg you for someone who would test positive for anything (except for being spoiled), much less illegal substances.

Because, really. I know we're not friends, heck, I've rooted against your opponent more than a few times. But I did miss you, and I did ask you to come back, but you should've been a little more casual with the return. We both know you're not what you once were, and the game has certainly moved on, having learned the lesson you tried to teach about a diverse game, so even though I know I said I missed your witty repartee, shooting your mouth off is not quite what I had in mind.


You were still dangerous on court, I'll grant you that. As it has been in the past, when you stepped out onto the court, people didn't know which Martina Hingis would come out. The spoiled brat, the tennis prodigy, the petulant teenager, or, my favorite, the Williams destroyer. Because of you we avoided many tournament finals involving the Williams sisters, and I really do thank you for that. When you made your comeback, it was part-disaster, part-flashes of hope. Sometimes you could see the champion, others it was like you were trying too hard.

Although, i must say, your press conference announcing your retirement showed remarkable maturity on your part. You took responsibility, you didn't blame anyone else... But don't think I didn't notice you were reading a speech, Chucky. Hope you paid good money to your speech writer, because others could so easily have been fooled.

But as you again depart, know that this time, unlike last time, I won't take two years before I realize I miss you. I know the tennis tour will once again return to boring without you, press conferences will again not feature foot-in-mouth the way you did... You'll be missed, Chucky. At the very least, you'll be missed by me.

So fight this positive test, Chucky. Keep your legacy intact. You're tennis' spoiled brat, not its train wreck.



Sincerely,

Migraine Girl




"I don't want to say anything bad, but a lot of the girls have technical deficiencies."
- Martina Hingis's attempt at diplomacy